Lost Art Form: Getting to know people.
Are we only living in the age of quick, short and fast communication? Really? How fulfilling is that for you?
The people I talk to want MORE fulfilling relationships, not LESS!
While we dearly appreciate the four agreements made popular by Don Miguel Ruiz, one of which is to not assume anything, this is exactly how we live today. Assuming we know what is inside someone from a quick, short and fast answer on text or facebook or twitter or whatever form of social media you use.
We are in relationships, the very closest ones with family and dear friends, yet how many of them are really how we would like them to be?
We have tried and tried and still we do not know how to ask the very questions that would give us the depth of relationship that we so strongly desire. Many of my clients come seeking greater clarity on how to stay current with changing relationships, spousal, friendships, and their children’s growth. This year more than any other, this one topic is clear – we have not been connecting on the level of love.
Some examples: We are assuming we have agreements on many simple things like how to parent children, just because one parent doesn't argue with the other. Or, when we ask for something simple and our mate ignores us as if we have no opinion or needs other than for them, and we fail to ask for understanding. Or, when a child is so afraid to go to school because they do not know what they need or want and do not ask for help from a grown up or mentor, then get bullied. The list is long and as you can imagine there are many more forms of assumptions happening within relationships, on every level.
In my tenure on this planet I have had the greatest learning possible in having a direct relationship with the one I had been wanting all my life, my divine, the God of my understanding. This relationship has taught me that I do not EVER get an answer unless it is an answer that supports my growth!!!!!!!! Let's break this down a bit. With divine's support and love, I have learned to love myself. This does not mean that I don't have judgements and criticisms about myself from past conditioning. It just means that no matter what I need, it's a true need, in the moment, and I give it to myself. When I make assumptions I quickly realize that there is no relationship happening with my divine. I listen deeper and find that an old belief is pursuing me and I begin to feel uncomfortable. With that, I check in and ask a question pertinent to what I'm wanting in that moment. That is when clarity comes and support and growth are there for me.
This simple practice has taught my mind to become more curious about life more than assume I know how things will go. This simple practice has changed my relationships from being confusing to being more agreeable, because others feel and know that I am understanding what they want. In return, if I am not getting what I need, I ask to be heard, or ask to have a moment of attention, or offer some feedback as to how the interaction is causing my next move with them. If there is no response, this tells me more about how the relationship can continue – at this point, for me, it either becomes a surface relationship or one that slowly dwindles to nothing.
When I am heard, at the very least (this does not mean that I always get what I want either) I have a deeper sense of connection with that person and the relationship can flourish. That deep connection happens in each moment. It's not always about getting what you want, it's about taking a risk to ask, listen and ask and listen. This gives us all a feeling of deep connection with another. Some times it’s only a matter of feeling another’s heart is open to hearing you completely. When that deep need to connect is fulfilled, the 'wants' just seem to be fulfilled on their own.
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